Communicate Assertively
Bauback Yeganeh, Ph.D.
Assertive communication is critical to leaders who want to flourish at work. Unfortunately, many leaders mistake assertiveness for aggressiveness.
The two variables in any communication are the people involved and the issues being discussed.
Passive communicators are highly sensitive to upsetting others. They tend to prioritize emotional harmony with those around them and they can be conflict avoidant. Essentially, they are soft on peoples’ emotions at the cost of also being soft on the issues they wish to communicate (“Getting to Yes”, Fishery & Ury, 2011). This results in problems ranging from neglected issues to workplace resentment.
Aggressive communicators value shooting straight and ensuring their issues are discussed. This is often done at the cost of upsetting people around them. In this way aggressive communicators are hard on issues but also hard on people. Recipients of aggressive communication assume that their own opinions, feelings and experiences are not valued by their counterpart. This results in problems ranging from disgruntled co-workers to hidden work agendas.
Assertive communication integrates the strengths of both passive and aggressive communication styles while expunging their weaknesses. Assertive leaders are soft on people while hard on issues. This means that they respect whomever they are speaking with while staying true to the issues they need to discuss. They frame conversations in ways that explain their purpose. They share their intentions so that people don’t make false assumptions about their motivations. They also ask open-ended questions and paraphrase to understand people and to demonstrate listening. Finally, they share important information. It isn’t personal at this point, they are just sharing the facts. Since their intention has already been clarified and they have already dignified their counterpart through inquiry and paraphrasing, they have license to discuss a wide range of issues without the ramifications that accompany aggressive communicators.
Assertiveness is a core competency needed to succeed in dialogue, coaching, negotiating and conflict management. Next time you are planning a tough conversation, think about the assertive behaviors that will increase your probability of success ahead of time, practice the behaviors before your conversation so that you are warmed up, and be intentional. Assertive communication is a powerful tool that helps leaders achieve improved results.
